Tuesday, June 13, 2017

April 14th- Daily Autism Post- Aspie Honesty

Dexter- Mom, I love you so much. Hug me and pet Tori.
Me- I love you too, Dexie. SO much. I'm lucky that you are mine.
Dexter- I am too. I love Dad more though.
This conversation from earlier today isn't the first time he's told me this. I think most parents would be hurt to have a child say something like this to them, but if you really know and understand Dexter, there is nothing hurtful here.
First, Dex has a very limited number of people he likes to snuggle with and probably even fewer that he volunteers the words "I love you" to without being told that first. When he says it to me, when he asks for affection, my heart sings. I know that he means it. He DOES love me.
Second, for him, if he's saying something that is true, he sees nothing wrong with the statement. He's told me that Dad is taller, but I am wider. He's called an elderly woman "really old." He told someone who was yelling at their child that they were disrespectful. In his mind, we tell the truth. When you are stating a fact, it's true. Sometimes it isn't until after he says it that he realize that even though it's true, it may hurt someone's feelings.
Lastly, this doesn't hurt my feelings. It's not about ranking. (Let's be honest, I think Tori ranks above me too.) What it IS about is Dexter having someone that he loves deeply and he knows understands him. Not someone who is just compassionate, but really REALLY understands him. He has that in his Dad. He knows that I will be there for every meltdown, every frustrating day, every homework assignment he doesn't think he can do. But he can look at Shawn and see someone who is different like him. It doesn't make me sad that he says he loves Shawn more. Not even a little. Every time he says it, my heart swells with pride. My baby has an AMAZING father. How could I be sad about that!?
The bad... Sometimes Dex comes off as rude and insulting.
The good... It's never intentional, and he's quick to apologize when he finds he's hurt someone's feelings. I'm amazed at his willingness to apologize when he knows he did something wrong. (Now, when he feels his words or actions were warranted, getting an apology is like squeezing blood from a rock, and when you do get it, it's clearly not heartfelt.) 

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